Today, August 20th, marks the birthday of the sci-fi weirdo and Hewlett Packard-engenderer, H.P. Lovecraft.  So let’s all wish him a…Jesus, he’s 120-years-old?? Someone call Guinness!  (hplovecraft)

I guess I can’t mention H.P.’s birthday without also including Fred Durst, Dimebag Darrell, Al Roker, Robert Plant, Isaac Hayes, and (my personal fave) Connie Chung.  Will her husband ever find out who the father is?  Perhaps we’ll never know.  Oh, here’s an online game you can play where you pelt Tila Tequila with shit.  I forgot I was doing Mish Mash for a sec there.  Just such a sucker for birthdays!  (heavy)

Speaking of great authors (look, I think Chocolate Starfish and the Hotdog-Flavored Water is one of the greatest albums of all time, okay?), you can now own J.D. Salinger’s toilet if you have a million bucks laying around.  He didn’t write any books on it, but I’m sure he read a couple.  (gammasquad)

Ah, the video game glitch/video game secret.  Being the first kid on the block to discover you is probably what it felt like being the first man on the moon.  Pure invincibility, looking down at that floating speck of a planet.  (dorkly)

I can’t tell you how psyched I am for Piranha 3D!  And in honor of that film and it’s genre-analogous predecessors, it’s attack of the underwater monsters!  (screenjunkies)

More than 10 Black Bears were found ‘guarding’ a marijuana farm.  In related news, Max wants to know where he can buy some Black Bears.  (vancouversun)

As much enmity as I feel for Star Wars and the odium I hold towards George Lucas, I will admit the Star Wars: Uncut uber-fan idea is, if nothing else, fun.  But couldn’t we do it with, I don’t know, Texas Chainsaw Massacre or something?  Y’know, something with some allure!  (starwarsuncut)

The evolution of the Batsuit.  Ah, I’ll never forget the inclusion of those tumescent nipples.  (unrealitymag)

Hack director Darren Lynn Bousman, who was obviously named so because his folks wanted a girl but didn’t want to give up the name, is teaming up with the producer of Dude, Where’s My Car? (one of only two movies I ever walked out of) to bring us a teeth-clenching, fist-forming movie entitled 11-11-11.  And I’ll give you one fucking guess when it’s being released.  Oh, Hollywood.  You’re so fucking asinine.  (heatvision)

Taking the pill makes women smarter?  Obviously, these scientists haven’t met my ex-girlfriends.  Unless by “smarter” they mean “crazier”.  (news)

Got this one from my BFF Devin: Nickelodeon game show hosts, where are they now?  Oh, Summer Sanders.  I loved you before I even knew what love was.  And by love, I mean ‘had a boner I didn’t know what to do with’.  (mtv)

Batman steals some cinnamon twists from the Taco Bell drive-thru.  I always thought of him as a Nachos Bel Grande type of dude.  Huh.  (gammasquad)

Stop what you’re doing right now; it might not be what you’re supposed to be doing with your life!  Click this link, and let this website help you choose your path: what the fuck you should do with your life.  (wtfsidwml)

15 greatest chosen ones, whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean.  (geekosystem)

Ray Bradbury thinks we got too much internet and cellphones.  Can someone tell this dude he’s the reason this shit exists.  (gammasquad)

I’ve sang my praises for stuff like this before; call it nostalgia: 8 sexual innuendoes slipped into kid’s cartoons.  (asylum)

Believe it or not, this Krispy Kreme Cheeseburger was bred right here in the ol’ land of the free, home of the diabetic.  Shocking, I know.  (smokingsection)

I’ve always loved the term “Rust Belt” when referring to the industrious section of the Midwest.  I recently discovered a shitload more “-belts” exist.  Beef up your knowledge and wow some people when you drop stuff like “Stroke Belt” or “Jell-O Belt” around ‘em.  (wikipedia)

13 awesomely useless inventions.  They’re awesome.  But also useless.  Proceed with caution.  (urlesque)

7 technologies that are going to kill us all.  Well, except for the zombies and vampires.  They’ll be fine.  (uproxx)

Seth Rogen is lending his voice to another animated kids flick.  Look, unless he’s getting high and dropping f-bombs like shoes at a sidewalk sale, I’m just not interested.  Pixar, take note.  (heatvision)

HBO is making a show about the porn industry which sounds cool until you find out that Mark Wahlberg is producing it.  Wait, actually that makes perfect sense.  Really in shape dude with the acting ability of a cigar store Indian?  Couldn’t be a better match.  I take it all back.  (warmingglow)

And lastly, did you know your siblings can actually make you gay?  By the way, how is your sister, Ben?  (cracked)

Let’s start this off on a decaying foot: Zombie Daily is a blog where a guy illustrates awesome zombies each day.  If only you could be here to see my boner.  (zombiedaily)

Teaser trailer for the new Guillermo del Toro produced Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark, which of course you damn well should be after watching this.  (youtube)

Speaking of teasers: The Avengers, anyone?  (iwatchstuff)

Geeky tattoos.  You may be able to lose the weight, get rid of the retainer and trade your glasses in for contacts…but that Na’vi shrine all over your back is forever.  (ugo)

5 annoying trends that most movies use these days to make them look like each other.  You know what I hate?  Stuff that’s in the trailer, but not the actual film.  Like that tire flying through the car windshield in the Twister trailer.  Damn you, Jan de Bont! (cracked)

In honor of Shark Week, here we have the 10 weirdest sharks — as if we needed anymore reasons to stay out of deep water.  Though I’m surprised this list didn’t include the weirdest shark of them all: Streex, of the Street Sharks.  (neatorama)

No rest for the wicked, and the righteous don’t need any.  America’s most notorious pimps and hookers.  (businesspundit)

9 biggest WTF ice cream truck incidents.  Seems like a fairly specific list to make but, I assure you, after reading these you will definitely say/type “WTF”.  (ranker)

And lastly, I never understood television programming that explained how the world would end.  You know, that shit on TLC.  It’s all so ominous and foreboding.  They point out the warning signs around us and how we do nothing to help ourselves, and then with computer animation, spell out our ultimate and eventual death.  It’s so depressing and unnecessary.  That being said, here is a website that explains how the world is gonna end.  Websites I’m okay with.  (scientificamerican)

No, that’s not Max and Ben in the above picture as you may have believed.  It’s first shots of the new Pegg/Frost film, Paul. Or is it Max and Ben?  I’m confused.  (slashfilm)

Here’s a trailer for the new Ben Affleck-directed film, The Town.  For a crime drama it sure sounds like a Stephen King book.  I mean, who robs a bank dressed as the Grim Reaper, seriously?  I wouldn’t be surprised if this film is set in Castle Rock.  (youtube)

Here’s a comicbook prequel to Inception, in case you wanna ruin every surprise in the movie.  (gammasquad)

First look at the Sucker Punch girls.  I’d let ‘em sucker punch me.  Only if I can donkey pun–okay, I’ll stop, sorry.  (iwatchstuff)

Someone finally invented eyeglasses that people can correct to fit their own vision.  It only took 726 years.  Seems like we could have solved that problem a little sooner.  But I’ll admit, I’m going to miss the test where they blast you in the eye with a shot of air.  (dvice)

A “teaser” (that’s being generous) for Tommy Wiseau’s new…film?  I’m not even sure if this is supposed to be real.  That dude is such a weirdo, who knows.  All I know is the title: The House That Drips Blood On Alex.  Way to be specific.  (atom)

Have fun exploring this little time waster.  It’s entertaining enough, but is this seriously what graphic designers and web designers are spending $50,000 on school for?  (nails)

Street Fighter-inspired Nike’s, eh?  I fail to see how a basic white or blue sneaker has any connection to the video game, but whatevs.  So what, purple sneakers are inspired by Grimace?  (albotas)

From the “I Learned It From Watching You, Dad” Dept.: digital drugs.  As in ’sounds that make you high’.  I’m coining the term “ear candy” right here, right now.  But of course, Nerd City provides.  Here’s a sample for you.  Come back tomorrow for more if you like it.  And don’t tell your parents where you got it, either.  (newson6)

America may be the land of giant, unnecessary foods, but China is definitely the land of giant, unnecessary what-the-fucks (and of course Japan is the land of giant, unnecessary gameshows).  Example: China’s life-sized Optimus Prime.  (slashfilm)

You know how sometimes you’ll come up with a clever/funny idea with your buddies, but then stop talking about it the next day when you’ve sobered up and realize how impractical it is?  The bottle-opener shirt is exactly like that, only the dudes didn’t chalk it up to “drunken brainstorming”.  Which they should have.  Because I implore you — nay, I triple-dog implore you — to try safely and easily opening a bottle of beer with the front of some drunk dickhead’s shirt.  Just sayin’.  (uberreview)

10 best movie swordfights.  I once knew a chick who loved swordfights.  In her mou–okay, I’ll stop, sorry.  (onlyknives)

Inspired by the release of Inception, here are a list of “WTF??” movies.  I think Speed 2: Cruise Control needs to be added to the list.  I’ve still yet to wrap my head around that bruiser.  (insidemovies)

5 Minutes to Kill Yourself.  I loved this game when it first came out, but now apparently it’s bigger and better.  You won’t find a better timewaster, I guarantee.  (adultswim)

I take it back: is THIS what graphic design students are spending $50,000 at school on?  The ABCs of video games.  (capinaremos)

And lastly, animals say the darndest things.  Like woof.  And meow.  And moo.  Shit like that.  Anyway, here are some pictures of animals doing what they do best: be haplessly cute.  (thechive)

If you love Tron, have a spare $35,000 lying around, and the patience to keep correcting people, “Again, it’s not a motorcycle; it’s a lightcycle!“, then seize this rare opportunity to own one!  (ebay)

An Idiot Abroad is the new Gervais/Merchant show starring Karl Pilkington as he travels the globe, visiting the seven wonders of the world.  Looks kinda like Travel Sick.  This is going to be good stuff.  (youtube)

5 most terrifying internet communities.  They seemed to have missed the Nerd City message board.  (gunaxin)

Remember Wu-Tang Clan?  And how they like kung-fu?  Well, WTC member RZA is starring in a couple soon-to-be-released kung-fu flicks, one being produced by Eli Roth.  So good on them.  Here’s a trailer for the one sans Roth.  (youtube)

Here you go, idiots.  Salmon-flavored vodka.  You realize at some point corporations gave up caring about consumers and just started fucking with them, right?  (yahoo)

Furthering the diabetes epidemic by equating food with happiness, this ice cream dispenser will give you free ice cream the more you smile at it.  Still no cure for cancer, however.  (youtube)

If you’ve ever wondered what it takes to be like “Macho Man” Randy Savage (and we know you have), here’s everything you need to know.  The secret?  Lots of Slim Jim’s.  (uproxx)

7 weird but true origins of popular cultural franchises.  And these are actually pretty surprising.  (cracked)

Conan the Barbarian: The Musical.  Simply put – awesome.  (youtube)

20 best Superman panels.  It’s good to see Superman hates nazis just as much as I do.  (comicsalliance)

Fearless correspondent Mike Haynes has been reporting all sorts of E3 coverage.  To add to his courageous posts, here are clips of the 10 most anticipated games announced at E3.  (unrealitymag)

The problem with warp whistles.  Bowser is British?  Who knew.  (collegehumor)

Immortal Dog!  For those of us not living near Pet Sematary, there are other options.  (todaysbigthing)

Anyone wanna discuss what metal bands like?  Yeah?  Okay, go here.  (metafilter)

Toy Story + The Wire = Toy Wire, a funny little mashup.  (youtube)

The site Accidental Penis showcases exactly what you’d think it would.  Adorable babies.  No, it’s really accidental penises.  (accidentalpenis)

5 unintentionally gay parts of everyday life.  But the intentionally gay parts are so much more fun!  (holytaco)

Male comic book characters if they were pregnant.  Don’t ask.  (comedy)

Trailer for the new film, Middle Men.  It’s about the guys who started porn accessibility through the internet and it stars Luke Wilson, so it’s got something for everyone.  (youtube)

6 misguided viral marketing attempts.  Aren’t they all misguided?  (cracked)

50 worst hip-hop fails of all time.  Dr. Dre in lipstick??!  Sexy. (complex)

20 coolest Darth Vader helmets.  Some of these are pretty badass.  (smosh)

Most promising actors under 25.  I can’t believe the kid from Two and a Half Men isn’t on here.  (pajiba)

Direct Link to Youtube Video

I’m not one to use the acronym WTF (I mean, what, am I 15-year-old girl?  Don’t answer that.)  But rules are meant to be broken, so let me be the first to say WTF when it comes to this video.  Seriously though, what the fuck is going on?  Here’s all I do know: the video is of Reese Waters and Mike Tyson sharing breakfast rituals over a cup of tea; Reese Waters is a comedian, and Mike Tyson was a boxer.  Obviously this is meant to be funny, and it is.  Very, very funny.  In fact, it blows Tyson’s performance in The Hangover out of the fucking water.  Let’s hope to see more from Reese and Mike.

It’s nerd-a-licious.

And check out these other great gingerbread houses here.