Let’s start it off with a little crooked search engine, shall we?  (unevengoogle)

Return viewers know by now that I’m fascinated with excessive, caloric-heavy foods.  The type of thing that makes other countries laugh at us as we keel over from our 5th massive coronary.  That being said, I present you with the footlong cheeseburger.  God bless you, Carl’s Jr.  (foodbeast)

The best and worst of T.V. superheroes.  I thought they were talking about transvestite superheroes.  A boy can dream, can’t he!  (ugo)

9 stupidest superhero secret identities.  My favorite is the old standby idea, “throw a trenchcoat on and no one will recognize you.”  (cracked)

Nic Cage being his usual bizarre self.  Can you imagine being friends with this dude?  Or being married to him?  What’s that “like”?  (filmdrunk)

Unnecessary remake news #1: Betty White to star in an Oh, God! remake, taking over the role made famous by George Burns.  And it makes sense because they’re both really, really old (and Burns’ is long dead, so he can’t reprise the role.)  (deadline)

Unnecessary remake news #2: Russell Brand to star in an Arthur remake, taking over the role made famous by Dudley Moore.  And it makes sense because they’re both really, really British (and Moore is long dead, so he can’t reprise the role.)  (splashnewsonline)

My favorite group/performance-art/rapper/Afrikaners, Die Antwoord, have released their frist American album — and you can listen to it for free.  And you better do it, you naaiers.  (pitchfork)

Marvel greenlit the sequel to Old Man Logan.  I hope he soaks his claws in epsom salt and offers his enemies Werther’s Originals.  (gammasquad)

Chris Smith, director of American Movie, one of my favorite documentaries, returns with Collapse, a terrifying apocalyptic documentary based around where our society, and where earth in general, is headed.  It’s the feel-good comedy of the summer!  (youtube)

Zack Synder took a break from being a complete lunatic to cast his new movie, Sucker Punch, full of young, pretty girls.  Thanks, Zack!  Now you can go back to being fruit loops.  (ugo)

So Al Pacino has never done a commercial until now…and he waited his whole goddamn life to do a trite coffee commercial??  You’ve gotta be kidding me.  THIS is fucking commercial, old man.  You’re taking yourself too seriously.  (youtube)

The great comedians will always die young, the great bands will never get signed, the great artists will die poor, and the great film directors will always have the lowest grosses.  (pajiba)

Some of you may find the periodic tables of meats very useful… (pleated-jeans)

But I prefer the periodic table of British curse words.  Where else can you find phrases like, “acting like a cock snake on plant food”?  I’m not even sure that’s a curse word.  (moderntoss)

And lastly, “The Spruce Deuce” is a wooden robot who can play jazz drums.  It’s like Herbie Hancock’s wetdream.  (youtube)