¡Hola y coja a su madres!  Welcome to Mish Mash, conchas!

Not as comprehensive as I’d have liked, but this “Where are they now?  Teen Edition” will have to suffice for the time being.  Oh, Deborah Foreman.  Rawr. (pajiba)

Hahaha, this is great.  I thought I was pretty good at turning innocent things vulgar and sexual, but these people are PROS.  Check out how they pervert the titles of these children’s books.  (onceuponatitle)

Awesome!  Classic comic book ads.  Y’know, the kind advertising x-ray specs and trick gum and automatic weapons.  As a young child, I would often ask my father for money to buy some of these things.  He would only hang his head and say, “Hijo, soy decepciono.”  (egotv)

Making a list of the top 50 music videos of the 90s is a pretty tall order, but those pillow-biting dweebs at Pitchfork seem to have gotten a handle on it.  Let’s take a moment to reminisce, shall we?  (pitchfork)

I’d explain this site, “The History of Hip-Hop”, but I’d hate to sound redundant.  (itstherub)

Here’s 4 minutes of My Son, My Son, What Have Ye Done?, the new film by Werner Herzog and David Lynch.  No, it’s totally normal — why do you ask?  (filmdrunk)

9 beloved characters made horrifying by Japan.  You’re telling me Japan took something innocent, like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and somehow made them extremely creepy?  Get right outta town!  (cracked)

Rappers often rap about cities.  Because if there’s one thing they love more than guns, drugs, and prostitutes, it’s municipalities.  Here is a city locator (map, if you will) of cities and areas mentioned in rap songs.  (rapgenius)

7 crazy conspiracy theories.  Stephen King shot John Lennon?  Yeah, I could see that.  (oddee)

5 most horrifying crimes committed by senior citizens.  The greatest crime of all?  Being so soft and cuddly.  (cracked)

13 greatest pets in video game history.  If there is a humdrum list that has yet to be made, Ranker is on it!  (ranker)

Top 10 franchise destroying moments.  I’m on the fence about most of these, but we’re completely harmonious on their choice of Tobey MacGuire dancing like a fucking idiot in Spiderman 3.  (askmen)

6 movie heroes who actually made things worse.  I really liked this article.  It’s thought-provoking, which might be a little much for our audience.  But group the words together and form those sentences!  It’s a good read!  (cracked)

How to “dick-knob” someone.  Trust me, if you don’t know what it is…it’s not going to be whatever you think it is.  (explosm)

Pictures of Japanese women before they put on their make-up.  Oh, and after, too.  All I gots to say is 日本語!  (thechive)

Alternate endings to 10 popular movies.  Look, I don’t care what you do, just don’t ever touch my precious Titanic.  You mean Titanic had an alternate ending too??  What is this world coming to!  (unrealitymag)

This wouldn’t have flown back in Johnny’s era, but here is a Cash/Eazy-E mash-up.  See, John was more of an Ice Cube type.  Nothing personal.  (viprhealthcare)

Trombone playing geek who never gets laid decides to convert said trombone into a flamethrower.  This kid’s been watching too many Robert Rodriguez films.  (youtube)

Here’s your Street Fighter II gif for the week.  Enjoy.  (bannedinhollywood)

Some Koopa-esque turtle fossils were recently discovered, and they’re pretty terrifying.  11 feet long and 7 feet wide?  No thanks.  I like the type of turtles you keep in a box in your bedroom and feed in the bathroom sink at dinnertime.  (wired)

Awesome!  Gun-shaped popsicles!  Mmm, tastes bullety.  (geekologie)

7 famous works of art with bizarre mistakes you can’t unsee.  I got nothin’ for this one.  Do I have to be witty all the time??  Oh, I do? Well I’m so sorry.  Geez.  But it’s a pretty funny article.  (cracked)

AND LASTLY, a 9-day traffic jam has occurred in China.  Talk about being late for work! Ba-doom-ch!  ”Sorry Boss, I won’t be in today.  I’m stuck in traffic!”  I mean, I’ve heard of traffic jams, but this is more of a traffic preserve! Boy, I sure do love Chinese traffic humor.  (yahoo)

As mentioned previously on the site, I have recently become more and more interested in the ever-growing Halo phenomenon.

With the badass Master Chief Mimobot and the continuing coverage of Halo: Reach, I have started to really dig the aesthetic and story of the franchise, after years of purposeful ignorance.  And now, thanks to team GameStop, I have yet another reason to join the Halo fan legion: their new online HaloFest.

A really cool idea, HaloFest is an online “festival” that allows Nerds to check out behind-the-scenes Reach business, pre-order the game and enter contests to get sweet H.R. shwag (including those bad-ass life size Halo statues pictured above).

Plus, as the Sept. 14th release date approaches, HaloFest will continue to add content to keep the Halo Nerds (myself now included) salivating. I really like the idea of the online “Fest”…just a really novel idea for sharing information.

It’s like an actual festival, without the sweaty nerds and ungodly port-a-jon usage. Plus, you can get as drunk as you want without fear of publicly embarrassing your friends and loved ones.  So throw on a pair of your tightest jean shorts and tank top combo, grab thirty beers (of the Piece Brewery variety, if available), and pony up to your computer for HaloFest ‘10!

Check out GameStop’s HaloFest here.

Following the smash success of last year’s “Get the F out of Rosemont” post-Wizard World drunkfest, comes Chicago Comics’ “Get the F out of Rosemont 2: The Squeakquel”, this Saturday night 8/21 from 7-11!

With our main man Major Taylor spinning all the tightest jams, and beer and food available for those Nerds that like that kind of thing, this is the place to be this Saturday night, whether you’re going to Wizard World or not (like us). Drink away your awkward Burt Ward Polaroid @ Chicago Comics’ “Get the F out of Rosemont 2: The Squeakquel”!

Voted People’s Sexiest Man Alive 1987.  Happy Friday the 13th, geeks!

A list of everyone Jason ever killed and how.  That’s 148 casualties.  I’d imagine it’d be hard to stay so creative when dispatching of horny, drunken, half-clad teens…but Jason never fails.  He’s like the Martha Stewart of mass murder.  (listafterlist)

Jason’s 10 best kills.  It’s hard to whittle it down to just 10.  But this list covers some more memorable deaths.  But if you’d prefer to watch the kills…  (imockery)

How about a video of Jason’s 13 best kills?  And look at that nice, round number (for you superstitious types).  Again, hard to cut it down from 148.  But hey, some had to get the ax.  Oh, horror movie puns.  You slay me!  (youtube)

And who can forget Jason on Arsenio Hall?  Classic!  Things that make you go “Hmm”.  (youtube)

Ah, Adult Swim — you know just the way to my heart: a Friday the 13th reference!  (youtube)

A list of all beliefs, ideologies, and old wives tales of a superstitious nature, from A-Z.  It’s extremely unlucky to listen to Janet Jackson’s Black Cat, despite it’s use of cow bell.  Even unluckier still: Rhythm Nation.  (corsinet)

7 unluckiest people who ever lived.  See the theme I’m going for here?  Friday the 13th, unlucky?  Ah, forget it.  Why do I even bothers with you rubes?  (cracked)

Though there are no “guys” nor “sports” (sorry, Max) to be found on this misleadingly-named website, they do have an awesome and lengthy list of Friday the 13th related trivia.  Definitely worth a look, even if you’re only in it for the guys and/or sports.  (guy-sports)

6 insane, true stories behind cursed movies.  Similar to the Nerd City curse, where everyone says they’re not going to drink yet end up getting hammered.  It’s a terrible, terrible, delicious curse.  (cracked)

At this point I’m going to drift away from the superstitious themed stuff and get back to “the news”: here’s that sex toy infographic that you requested, Mr. Spencer.  Mississippi buys more anal toys than any other state?  Way to go, Mississippi!  (theirtoys)

Drinking etiquette whilst flying.  Do what Nerd City does: bloody marys during the A.M. flights and bloody marys during the P.M. flights.  (thesmokingjacket)

Some wacky dude sings karaoke to a Carrie Underwood song.  I really don’t see what’s so wei– Goddamn, this dude is nuts.  (collegehumor)

Much to my surprise, this chart about 80s sitcom doors wasn’t constructed by our own “Key West” Ken Bowman.  (buzzfeed)

Denny’s will not be outdone by any other establishment that thinks they can create the most sickening, fat-laden and ridiculously unnecessary fast food.  Denny’s will be king! (consumerist)

I’d love to make some witty remark about the 10 best movie parodies from Adult Swim, but my T.V. is so loud right now, my head feels like it’s being split.  I’ll BRB.  (adultswim)

And I’m back!  Now, like I was saying, The Fairly Oddparents is being made into a live-action movie (of course it is), and here are the first shots.  Jason Alexander looks like an Oompa Loompa with Progeria.  Sorry, but he does.  (buzzfeed)

6 insane attempts to film movies starring dead actors.  Because why let someone die with dignity when you can continue to milk their corpse for the big bucks!  (cracked)

And lastly, on the topic of dignity, here we’re presented with the most respectful Jesus-related products.  Jesus beer?  Mmm, tastes martyry.  (supertremendous)

Jesus, is it still Shark Week?  In that case, do what every shark fetishist wishes they could do and sharkify yourself!  (buzzfeed)

Is it just me or is it feeling extra 1993 in here?  Quantum Leap movie, you say?  Bring on the Bakula!  (blastr)

6 scientific reasons break-ups suck worse than you think.  As if the mere thought of your ex getting plowed by another dude wasn’t enough.  (cracked)

Now all your fantasies of Princess Peach won’t seem as weird because here she is, drawn up as a classic Vargas style pin-up.  Oh, about the 8-bit head…yeah, I guess that makes it weird still.  (kotaku)

From the “gimme a fucking break” dept.: Todd Phillips, the charlatan of cinema, has opted a John Belushi biopic, because that’s EXACTLY what we need.  Look, the funniest film Phillips made was Hated: GG Allin and the Murder Junkies.  If you wanna know about John Belushi, just buy one of those awful “Best of SNL” DVDs.  But, if you insist on making a movie, at least cast Tyler Labine.  If he gets rid of that ridiculous Syndrome hairstyle, he’d be a perfect fit.  Don’t be a bunch of dummies and hire Jonah Hill or Seth Rogen, please.  I beg of you.  (filmdrunk)

Gaspar Noé, master of shocking cinema, is finally seeing a wide-release date for his 2009 film, Into the Void.  I’ve always been a huge Noé fan, and this new trailer looks like his unique style has only gotten better and more fine-tuned.  One can only hope the film carries as much rape and child molestation as his previous work.  (youtube)

Max Landis, John’s son, has written a new film about some kids who develop super powers — but the twist? — it’s shot in a handheld, first-person style ala Blair Witch Project and Cloverfield.  No word yet on the title, though I’m hoping it’s gonna be See You Next Wednesday.  (heatvision)

The best part of waking up, is Asian Palm Civet shit in your cup.  (thechive)

This is an awesome and comprehensive list of movie-related infographics.  Y’know, like piecharts and shit.  I like it because there are pictures that go along with the words.  (abduzeedo)

Inspired by the internet video freakout last week involving McNuggets, here we have the 11 best fast-food freakouts caught on tape.  If you look close, you can see Max throwing a fit at an Arby’s.  He really loves those seasoned curly fries.  (brobible)

Reading the synopsis of this page, (“a beer popsicle”), I wasn’t too impressed.  Hell, I’ve left beers in the freezer too long.  But upon closer inspection…Tecate, lime juice, simple syrup and a splash of tequila…whoa.  They should sell these from ice cream trucks.  (urbandaddy)

America’s greatest pasttime isn’t baseball; it’s laughing our asses off when sports announcers say weird shit.  (bleacherreport)

Here are those interesting sex facts you requested, Mr. Spencer.  Woo-hoo, let’s hear it for Chicago (city with the shortest sex sessions)!!  (lateformass)

Imagine if Predator had a teenage son.  What a nightmare, ammirite?  (collegehumor)

Jason Schwartzman and Michael Cera do the weather on Good Day Atlanta, a Fox News affiliate.  It’s actually very funny.  About as funny as the news that comes out of Fox.  (buzzfeed)

8 greatest hot chick internet hoaxes.  You had me at “hot chick”.  (ranker)

And lastly, if you look to the skies tonight, you’ll be front row for a beautiful meteor shower.  And if you look in through my apartment windows tonight, you’ll be front row for a beautiful golden shower.  (yahoo)

Mish Mash is back in full effect!  Engage!

Sometimes people on the internet leave comments on message boards.  Most of the time, these people are idiots.  And sometimes, those message boards pertain to the Batman #1 comic book.  This is the genius that ensues.  (comicsalliance)

The 6 greatest things ever accomplished by a dead body.  Like keep releasing albums, isn’t that right Rolling Stones? (cracked)

Even though I’ve never followed baseball, I collected the cards when I was a kid.  Sadly, my collection does not contain any of these gems.  (manofest)

Will Ferrell’s promo video for his new film The Other Guys, in character, via Funny Or Die.  It’s like if Steve Brule and Ron Burgundy had a baby.  It’s kinda funny but mostly mundane, and you’ve seen those idiosyncrasies a million times before.  (filmdrunk)

Oh, Paul Rudd.  You’re so…dreamy.  I mean cool!  Cool.  You’re so cool.  If only I were a little Jewish girl.  (buzzfeed)

I call total bullshit, but the rumor is that QT could be directing The Shadow reboot.  Yeah, that Shadow.  (pajiba)

Mage movie coming.  Because why write new ideas when you can just use a comic book that’s already been written, isn’t that right, Hollywood? (variety)

Movie-based comic books that never were, but should have been.  Seriously, how awesome would a Heathers comic book be?  I love my dead, gay son! (smoothnnatural)

From my favorite Honoluluan news channel website feed: don’t fuck with Hawaiian gamers.  (khon2)

Even though I’ve never followed basketball, I still admire the shoes.  Hell, you won’t find a finer pair of footwear than a Chuck Taylor Converse All-Star.  Don’t believe me?  Just look at my feet.  (totalprosports)

O’, newspaper blunders.  How I love and hate thee.  So very hilarious.  And yet, you built Jay Leno’s empire.  (manofest)

If you think you’ve had a couple bad yearbook photos, you’ll find solace in this magical website, where everyone’s photo is so much more worse than your worst one ever was.  (badyearbookphotos)

The drollery that comes from pairing Kanye Wests tweets with New Yorker cartoons borders on brilliant.  But don’t tell Kanye that.  Please, for the love of all that is holy, do not tell Kanye that.  (buzzfeed)

So, as mentioned one million times on our site and podcast, Nerd City went to San Diego Comic Con.

Now that a week has passed since our return, I feel I can finally best express exactly what happened. First of all, it must be made very clear, SDCC is absolute madness. When we arrived early Thursday morning, groggy from lack of sleep and free flight drinks (thank you Southwest), the crowd immediately overwhelmed our team.

Heavy-set, costumed, and motivated, the crowd was enormous and wildly irritating, and getting or keeping your bearings was nigh impossible. The show floor was admittedly huge, but made gargantuan by the shear amount of Nerd traffic. As the realization of the amount of patience (and booze) necessary to survive four days of this madness set in,  another concerning observation also made itself apparent: this show has absolutely nothing to do with comics.

The rumblings of that sentiment have been heard for years, but with this being our first ever appearance, it was evidently clear. Very few announcement were dedicated to comic books, and even major publisher (and our good friends) Image Comics had their panel resigned to a small room. If the third largest comic book publisher in the world can’t get a big room, what does that mean for the rest of us?

The saddest sign of the future  of comics @ Comic Con, by far, was artists alley. Stark, and crammed to one side, it almost seemed an after thought, with even the biggest talents left stranded and disconnected from the rest of the show. Even super star creator Mike Mignola’s booth was misplaced and under-attended, and his work HAS been made in to a movie. Even though this was our first time there, it’s just hard to shake the feeling that something sad is happening to the San Diego Comic Con.

This is in some ways, good news for midwest and east coast Nerds, in that newer, more comic-centric shows like C2E2 and New York Comic Con, have a real shot at stepping in to fill the void left by this change of subject matter, casting a Nerd spotlight on their respective cities. That was one of the things that made the biggest impact on the Nerd City crew: how downtown San Diego completely converts to cater to (and exploit) Nerds’ needs.

Every store front was either converted to  direct promotion for a company or title (Syfy Channel, Tron, and Adult Swim had all completely taken over businesses), or concessions had been made by ownership to decorate and theme their places to appeal to the crowd. Every where you went, cartoons and super hero movies and music played, whether buying some contraband hooch to sneak in, or attending the Masters of the Universe message board party at a converted chain Irish pub with Ben and Tim Seeley (the Nerdiest event @ the Nerdiest event) . The way the town had opened up, and the way the people stumbled from location to location, it could only be described as Nerd-i Gras (t.m. Nerd City). I have honestly never seen a cultural event have such a dramatic impact on the surrounding host city. So much so, that you’d have to return just to see what San Diego really looks like.

By far, one of the coolest parts about the trip was getting to go out to California to hang with a bunch of our friends. Our Chicago Nerd Citizens were in full effect, and one of the highlights was drunkenly partying with the gang @ the Hyatt, where I may or may not have completely creeped out H. Jon Benjamin. Also, through our work @ Nerd City, we’ve gotten to meet so many cool industry folks, and it was really awesome to see just how many great friends we have. I think the thing that best epitomized that sentiment, of just being part of something rad, was our “Scenes of A Graphic Nature” Party @ Soda Bar.

Getting a chance to work with two such cool organizations like TFAW.com and Image Comics, was a thrill for an O.N. (original Nerd), like myself. Andrew from Things From Another World is a pioneer, and his vision for the future of Nerd is uber-exciting.  And of course, Image is…you know, Image. Getting to work with all of our friends on the team over there was so great, and just proves why they are where they are.

Honestly, for a grass roots organization like l’il ol’ Nerd City, the chance to collaborate on an event with such cool sponsors was an absolute dream come true. Plus, we got to party with Jim Mahfood, Dave Crosland, Mike Huddleston, Jason Shawn Alexander and crew (including designer Jane Dope), and  DJ Red Sonya and The Burning of Rome.

The venue and party turned out really sick, with the art being so ridiculous. I mean what those guys are doing is so beyond “live art”, it’s almost indescribable. The energy and vibe they instantly bring, it’s like nothing I’ve ever seen. Plus, the Soda Bar was such a great venue, the whole staff was so cool, and the booker Peter, saved the day with his kick-ass van.

With Major Taylor in tow, bartender Tommy’s Cicero roots, and our guest list  a veritable who’s who of windy city Nerd-ery, the event couldn’t help but scream Chicago, and we wouldn’t have had it any other way. Just the fact that any of it actually happened is still hard to believe, and the pure amount of alcohol consumed only blurs the issue.

But yeah, we’re back…and having conquered SDCC we’re just about ready for anything. Except maybe another SDCC.

Now that Nerd City has returned from beeeyooootiful San Diego (and not so beeeeeyooootiful Comic Con), we just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who helped us get there!

A very special thanks to Andrew and Things From Another World (TFAW.com) and Betsy and Eric and Image Comics. Without them, there would have been no “Scenes of a Graphic Nature” Comic Con after party and no trip. Seriously, these are two of the greatest companies  in the Nerd business, and deserve all the support and respect they’ve rightfully earned.

Also, thanks to Jim Mahfood, Mike Huddleston, Dave Crosland, Jason Shawn Alexander, Scott Morse and co., Jane Dope, Major Taylor, Red Sonya, and the crew @ The Soda Bar,  who helped bring the house down @ our Con After Party.

Also, to our Chicago peeps who not only came to our party, but put up with our buffoonery, including Tim Seeley, Jenny Frison, Steve Seeley, Lana Crooks, Shawn Smith, Kirby and team Rotofugi, Michael Moreci, the ever-patient Mike Norton and team, Kris Simon, Matt Sardo, and anyone I might have drunkenly forgot. And thanks to everyone, industry and Nerd alike who came to our party and showed their support. Nerd City is forever in your debt.

No, that’s not Max and Ben in the above picture as you may have believed.  It’s first shots of the new Pegg/Frost film, Paul. Or is it Max and Ben?  I’m confused.  (slashfilm)

Here’s a trailer for the new Ben Affleck-directed film, The Town.  For a crime drama it sure sounds like a Stephen King book.  I mean, who robs a bank dressed as the Grim Reaper, seriously?  I wouldn’t be surprised if this film is set in Castle Rock.  (youtube)

Here’s a comicbook prequel to Inception, in case you wanna ruin every surprise in the movie.  (gammasquad)

First look at the Sucker Punch girls.  I’d let ‘em sucker punch me.  Only if I can donkey pun–okay, I’ll stop, sorry.  (iwatchstuff)

Someone finally invented eyeglasses that people can correct to fit their own vision.  It only took 726 years.  Seems like we could have solved that problem a little sooner.  But I’ll admit, I’m going to miss the test where they blast you in the eye with a shot of air.  (dvice)

A “teaser” (that’s being generous) for Tommy Wiseau’s new…film?  I’m not even sure if this is supposed to be real.  That dude is such a weirdo, who knows.  All I know is the title: The House That Drips Blood On Alex.  Way to be specific.  (atom)

Have fun exploring this little time waster.  It’s entertaining enough, but is this seriously what graphic designers and web designers are spending $50,000 on school for?  (nails)

Street Fighter-inspired Nike’s, eh?  I fail to see how a basic white or blue sneaker has any connection to the video game, but whatevs.  So what, purple sneakers are inspired by Grimace?  (albotas)

From the “I Learned It From Watching You, Dad” Dept.: digital drugs.  As in ’sounds that make you high’.  I’m coining the term “ear candy” right here, right now.  But of course, Nerd City provides.  Here’s a sample for you.  Come back tomorrow for more if you like it.  And don’t tell your parents where you got it, either.  (newson6)

America may be the land of giant, unnecessary foods, but China is definitely the land of giant, unnecessary what-the-fucks (and of course Japan is the land of giant, unnecessary gameshows).  Example: China’s life-sized Optimus Prime.  (slashfilm)

You know how sometimes you’ll come up with a clever/funny idea with your buddies, but then stop talking about it the next day when you’ve sobered up and realize how impractical it is?  The bottle-opener shirt is exactly like that, only the dudes didn’t chalk it up to “drunken brainstorming”.  Which they should have.  Because I implore you — nay, I triple-dog implore you — to try safely and easily opening a bottle of beer with the front of some drunk dickhead’s shirt.  Just sayin’.  (uberreview)

10 best movie swordfights.  I once knew a chick who loved swordfights.  In her mou–okay, I’ll stop, sorry.  (onlyknives)

Inspired by the release of Inception, here are a list of “WTF??” movies.  I think Speed 2: Cruise Control needs to be added to the list.  I’ve still yet to wrap my head around that bruiser.  (insidemovies)

5 Minutes to Kill Yourself.  I loved this game when it first came out, but now apparently it’s bigger and better.  You won’t find a better timewaster, I guarantee.  (adultswim)

I take it back: is THIS what graphic design students are spending $50,000 at school on?  The ABCs of video games.  (capinaremos)

And lastly, animals say the darndest things.  Like woof.  And meow.  And moo.  Shit like that.  Anyway, here are some pictures of animals doing what they do best: be haplessly cute.  (thechive)

Yes!  They’re bringing Beavis and Butthead back to T.V.!  Now every time I laugh like Butthead after someone says something vaguely suggestive, it will once again be relevant!  (nypost)

I’m Still Here, the documentary that follows Joaquin Phoenix’s burgeoning rap career, is coming out September 10th.  Out of respect?  We’ll never know.  But this movie, if it lives up to the hype, is going to be awesome.  But I would have titled it Joaquin On Sunshine.  (filmdrunk)

Here’s your first look at Ryan Reynolds playing Ryan Reynolds as The Green Lantern.  (popwatch)

Mark Ruffalo as The Hulk?  Sure, why not.  All you need is Zooey Deschanel as the heroine, and Arcade Fire providing the soundtrack and you’ve got your first superhero indie flick.  My fingers are crossed!  (deadline)

So apparently the Westboro Baptist Church is going to be protesting the SDCC.  You know, the “God Hates Fags” people.  It doesn’t matter why because it won’t be logical or sane in any sense of the word.  But if I see any of these crazy fucks, I will terminate them with extreme prejudice.  You don’t mess with the nerds.  They’ve been persecuted far too long.  (blastr)

Speaking of idiots, the Army was so thoughtful enough to whip up a comicbook detailing homosexuality and respect while in the service.  Because being gay affects the ability to pull a trigger, apparently.  Won’t you be glad when the world ends in 2012??!  (eptc)

Steve Carell and Paul Rudd talk sports, and it’s the only time I’ll ever listen to anyone talk sports.  (totalprosports)

Did you know Chuck Palahniuk got his idea for Fight Club from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off?  Well, he didn’t really.  But it would appear there are some similarities…  (youtube)

This is the first time I’ve ever gotten nauseous using a search engine not looking at German pornography.  I present to you, The Revolving Internet.  At least the soothing sounds of Dusty Springfield help a little.  (therevolvinginternet)

5 “bitter” truths about chocolate.  Haha, get it?  Hey, wait a sec — Don’t you DARE bad-mouth my beloved chocolate! Oh, wait — haha!  See what I did there?  Mouth?  Chocolate?  Haha, let’s be friends.  I have some wine coolers in my fridge.  (cracked)

These are handwritten notes.  But not just any ordinary handwritten notes.  These are funny.  Seriously though, can you believe how funny I am sometimes?  I mean — mouth, chocolate — you get it, right?  (manofest)

Oh Mel Gibson.  Yes, we all love blowjobs, it’s true.  What is sweeter than honey and stronger than a lion?  A blowjob, of course.  But none of us have so much at stake, as you do.  So if we demand them from a loved one in a voicemail, we’re not risking losing our 800 million dollars.  You poor, ignorant racist.  Once again, a mighty god has been felled by a blo-jo.  (asylum)

Swearing on T.V. is okay now, apparently.  Fuck yeah.  Swearing on the internet has been cool since it started, bro.  (iwatchstuff)

I’m glad Old Spice is getting the respect it finally deserves.  I’ve been wearing this shit about 13 years now, and I’m relieved to no longer have to defend why I smell like someone’s father.  (oldspicevoicemail)

Check out these water slides.  I say this should be the next Nerd City trip.  Guys?  (popularmechanics)

T.V. series you might not have known were remakes.  Suddenly Norman Lear doesn’t seem so prolific.  (pajiba)

6 weirdest video game tie-ins.  I forgot all about the Cool Spot.  You knew he was cool because of those sweet shades he was wearing.  (dorkly)

And lastly, a recipe for “flourless banana mish-mash muffins”.  GET IT?  Seriously, throw me a bone here.  (caloriecount)