This just (kinda) in!

July 22, 2009

Everything

BEEP!  BEEP!  BEEP!  BEEP!  BEEP!

Holy frijoles!  Dr. Jose Gallimore here with some breaking, yet very dated, horror news (hey, gimme a break – I’ve been in South America):

*** HACK/SLASH!  The comic produced by local loves Devil’s Due Publishing is finally being turned into a film.  Commercial director Fredrik Bond has come aboard to direct HACK/SLASH, Rogue’s long-delayed adaptation of the cult horror comic book.  The comic was created by Tim Seeley and Stefano Caselli, and centers on Cassie Hack, a woman who symbolizes the lone girl who survives at the end of every horror movie. Hack not only survived, she has become a killer of killers and travels to small towns across the country hunting slashers.   Very awesome news!

*** SAW VII is a go, sadly.  Give us a break already!  Saw VI isn’t even out yet!

*** ZOMBIELAND looks fantastic.  We’re all big zombie fans here at Nerd City, especially if we’re talking about the fruity rum-based drink (served through Gregory Spines, of course).  Check out a trailer for the soon-to-be-released horror comedy starring Woody Harrelson HERE.

*** MACHETE, the fake trailer attached to “Grindhouse”, goes into production as a “real” movie this month.  Danny Trejo returns as the lead and is joined by Michelle Rodriguez, Jonah Hill, and Robert De Niro.  Let’s see if it turns out to be a shitfest like Grindhouse was!

*** WORLD WAR Z, Max Brooks’ novel about a world-wide zombie takeover, is headed into production soon under Brad Pitt’s Plan B Productions.  Can’t get enough of them zombies!  Watch out for your brains, folks!

*** JENNIFER’S BODY, Diablo Cody’s follow-up to her award-winning “Juno” looks AWFUL.  I’d like to thank the Academy for giving an Oscar and an over-inflated ego to a Suicide Girl.  Good job, old dudes.  The only saving grace?  Why, America’s sweetheart, Megan Fox, of course.  I’m not even a fan of hers, but I hear the kids love her.  Give ‘em what they want, that’s what I say!

*** SCREAM 4!  You read that right, folks.  Because we the audience aren’t expecting a twist ending, am I right?  But hey, at least that quivering, whimpering mess Neve Campbell won’t be returning.  I swear to God, if I ever have to see her stammer out her lines while fighting back tears again, I’m going to punch.

*** LET THE RIGHT ONE IN, the stunningly good Swedish adolescent vampire flick is being unnecessarily remade for American audiences.  I mean, it just came out in 2008.  A remake already?  The terrorists win!  (The American ones).

*** Speaking of remakes, the NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET remake has wrapped.  Jackie Earle Haley, who is taking over the razor-fingered glove, has already signed on for two more sequels.  A bit preemptive, wouldn’t you say, movie industry?  Looks like that recession hasn’t affected you too much!

*** THE HAUNTED WORLD OF EL SUPERBEASTO, Rob Zombie’s long-finished but very much dormant animated film based on his comic book of the same name, is finally being released.  It features the voices of his usual motley crew: Sid Haig (as his Captain Spaulding character), Bill Moseley (as his Otis Driftwood character), as well as Sheri Moon, Ken Foree, Daniel Roebuck, Tom Kenny, Rosario Dawson, and even Paul Giamatti as Dr. Satan!  I’m keeping my fingers crossed on this one.  

That’s all for now from your humble horror host, Dr. Jose Gallimore.  Until next time…muwah hah hah.  *cough*

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